Welcome folks!
I’m writing because, well, I’m the type of person who likes conclusions to the stories I read, and I figured I might as well give you some closure on this blog.
Someone recently liked one of these ancient posts, and it prompted me to read my old masterpiece for the first time in a decade. I also realized that it’s exactly 11 years since my last post and I figured, well, I gotta do an update.
The most important information: I still run! I’ve run 3 marathons, countless halfs, limitless 10ks, it’s still a big part of my life. I’m 31 now, and much slower, and much nicer to myself. I’ve run in 6 different countries, hit 8,000km on my Nike app, and gone through 16 pairs of shoes.
I started this blog to pad my resume to get into my dream school, and it worked: I got in. I now have a successful career in tech, and I just bought myself a house, and I have a new little black and white dog to run with (RIP Ruby).
That’s also why I stopped writing, once I saw “accepted” in the online portal, I peaced on WordPress.
I started running because I wanted to prove to myself that I could. In high school, I couldn’t even do the 6 lap test in PE. But in my senior year, my mom signed up to walk a 10k, and I figured, if she could walk it at 58, I could run it at 17.
I kept running because I hated myself and I had lost control of my life. I re-read these posts and see the self hatred, the compulsive exercise, and the anorexia underneath everything I wrote. That time in my life is still hazy, I don’t remember it well. My dad died 2 years after my last post, and my family fell apart. I had already fallen apart.
The rest of my 20s was hard, but transformative. I made many other bad decisions. but a bunch of good ones too. I turned 30 in the middle of the pandemic, and despite everything going on, I could look back and say I was way better off at 30 than I was at 20. I’d healed from my eating disorder and found ways to love running for running’s sake. I found people who loved me wholeheartedly, and who I could love back without being afraid. I have much more appreciation for myself now, for the little things that make me special, and for the world, the little things that make it worth sticking around for.
It’s not all sunshine now, to be clear. But I’m still trying! And I’m still running.
Take care out there!
The Tortoise