Dear Deer

14 Oct

"No no don't worry about us. We're just here to steal your soul."

This is how I begin most of my mornings. Being stared down by a couple of deer.

I guess technically I don’t run at night… I just run so early in the morning that it’s too dark to see. At what time of the morning does it become not night and just early morning? Whoa okay guys I’ll try not to get too philosophical here.

The point is, often when I start my runs, it’s dark out. This can be anywhere from 5 – 7am. I wear a headlamp that looks similar to this one:

Headlamps: allowing kids to pretend to be as glamourous as miners since 1965.

Only it sticks out even further. I don’t think they even make the kind I have any more. Picture a unicorn that fell in a vat of industrial waste and now has the superpower of emitting a weak light through its horn. Which could have been accomplished with the unicorn’s inherent magic anyway. That’s what I look like. But you know what’s great about running at night/ so early that it’s dark? No human being is out and about to witness your shame!

But you know who do enjoy the early mornings? The deer. I live in a place where deer are very common. To point where they ain’t Bambi anymore, just unruly kids who eat up your tulips. The deer are simultaneously my comrades and my archenemies. Sometimes I give them a cool head nod like ‘hey bud, what’s up? We’re just two creatures hanging out at night, enjoying eating leaves and stuff’. Sometimes I even say hello if I’m feeling bold enough.

But you know how the deer respond, no matter what I say? They stare. They just stare at me, with those glowing eyes in the light of my headlamp. It’s unnerving. It forces one to recall that hey, wow, that deer is mighty big and remember that one video where a doe mauled a dog with her hooves?

So you start to back away, but they’re still watching you, stock still. They’ll continue watching you as you run off down the road. They won’t move until you’re out of sight. So don’t glance back, because those eyes… will be watching you.

Oh hiiiii. That's a nice headlamp you got there. I think I'd like to keep that headlamp.

Okay well that's just adorable.

This was supposed to be about the technicalities of running in the dark but I got side-tracked, by deer, as usual. Maybe tomorrow.

8 Responses to “Dear Deer”

  1. Calvin October 14, 2011 at 12:59 PM #

    The line about a unicorn falling in radioactive waste made me spit my water out and laugh out loud at my desk! Awesome, funny blog!!

  2. Carolyn October 19, 2011 at 7:27 PM #

    “But you know what’s great about running at night/ so early that it’s dark? No human being is out and about to witness your shame!” Spot. On.

  3. arda March 12, 2012 at 10:21 AM #

    Also an update: I just wanted to tell you that people are going crazy for the deer jumping photo and commenting about how much they love it.

  4. http://manajemenfeuntirta.com/ June 27, 2013 at 8:40 PM #

    Spot on with this write-up, I actually feel this website needs far more attention.
    I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the info!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. thetortoiseruns - November 4, 2011

    […] so I know I’ve already claimed that deer, dogs, and slow-walking people are my archenemies, but no one ever said you can’t have a lot. […]

  2. Energizer Night Race « thetortoiseruns - November 13, 2011

    […] It was mandatory to wear the headlamp, which I didn’t mind because as we know, I’m already quite fond of them. Here’s the headlamp: No unicorns were harmed in the making of this […]

  3. AM Runs « thetortoiseruns - December 28, 2011

    […] Cats: 3 (particularly terrifying to catch staring at me with the glow of my headlamp.) […]

  4. Secondary Running Skills « thetortoiseruns - February 26, 2012

    […] The chops to deal with dogs, deer, and various other creatures you meet early in the […]

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